The biggest heart is all I see, but I know someday my little girl will realize the eyes of the world see her differently. Raising an "overweight" child is very challenging. Needless to say, as a parent, we want our children to be happy and healthy. Wouldn't you say that just about sums it up? When I saw the doctor scrawl "overweight" on her chart, my heart dropped. It's just a word, I know, but the meaning behind that word threatens her health and her happiness. I had to get control of the situation mostly to spare her from hurt, but also so she could grow in a healthy way.
She's just a kid who is programmed to love food and eating. She rubs her tummy and makes "yummy noises" while she eats. As she gets on the bus in the morning, she will turn and ask, "What's for dinner tonight, Mommy?" Makes me laugh in one sense, but worries me at the same time! She can't tolerate any level of hunger in any way and if I serve something she doesn't like for a meal, she will immediately start to cry. Food is the only thing she will cry for and about.
What makes this especially difficult is that my other 3 children range from average to "underweight." How do I cater to both ends of the spectrum and keep everyone healthy and happy? I can't encourage a big bowl of ice cream to the one who needs it, and tell the other she can't have it. I needed professional advice on how to "handle this with caution," and keep feelings and self esteem from being hurt. I sought the advice of two very well respected nutritionists in the area. I share some of the information they shared with me, for those dealing with the same concerns. I am not a nutritionist, but I have come across things that have helped me handle this, and I have included some of my own thoughts as well:
*Never put your child on a "diet." It makes your child feel fat, or fatter if already feeling that way.
* Never single out the child in any way. If your child needs to lose weight, set up an eating and exercise program for the whole family. This is one thing I found very helpful. To go further with this point, an unhealthy food is unhealthy regardless of a child's weight. I used to give my son, a child who needs to gain, all the brownies he wanted until this was brought to my awareness. Just as eating three brownies at a time is not healthy for an overweight child, it is also not healthy for any child or adult. This actually made it easier on all of us. Nobody is allowed to overindulge on junk. Except for me, when the children aren't looking ;)!
* Have set times for eating. Unlimited grazing isn't good. Between meal eating isn't necessary if nutritional snacks have been consumed at set times. I like this one too as everyone needs to have a "kitchen closed" time of day.
* Teach responsibility for eating. Even overweight children should decide how much to eat. Parents should plan and prepare meals and snacks. You can't stand over them while they eat forever, monitoring their food consumption, so the sooner they learn appropriate amounts to eat, the better. In my opinion, this will be determined by hunger level and/or amount of activity done that day. For example, when my daughter asks me why she can't have cereal before bed like her brother, my response is based on fact. Her body doesn't need the cereal because it still has energy from the food she ate earlier, whereas her brother played hockey for 2 hours and his body burned all his food away. This matter of fact response seemed to work for her and for me, decreasing the immediate stress I felt at the mere request for food I knew her body didn't need or should have. It was a relief to have a set response, and a real logical response at that.
* Teach child the difference between "stomach hunger" and "head hunger" or appetite. The idea that you may not really need all the food you want to eat to be full.
* Teach your child how to feel hunger and fullness. Teach child to eat slowly so fullness can be felt. Helpful barometer (developed by Sheila Flavin, MS, RD, CDN):
1. starving
2. hungry
3. content
4. full
5. stuffed
I think the idea here is to make your child aware of the level of hunger/fullness so when they reach 3-4, they stop. Many overweight kids eat until the are #5, stuffed which isn't healthy eating. I am trying with my own child to teach her to eat to a comfortable range because she will usually overeat and complain of a stomachache. Just making her aware of the correlation between eating too much- tummy hurts has made a huge difference in her stopping herself at a more comfortable level. Sometimes she will ask for more food, Ill give it to her, and then she will tell me she is full. That would never happen before. Progress.
* Avoid TV and video games in general, but also while eating. They increase food intake and decrease physical activity. I think I broke this rule when I ate the whole box of Ritz during the season finale of Gray's Anatomy.
* Exercise. This is obvious however, with my daughter, finding an activity she felt good doing, and enjoyed, was pretty tough. We tried many things, but I think she felt a certain incompetence in her body. I got the feeling she felt a little slower and more uncoordinated than many kids which left her feeling a little awkward, timid
and unconfident. Those feelings created an unwillingness to continue to go to that soccer practice or skating lesson. Once she found something she liked though, it was like she suddenly had a trust in her body and the way she could make it move. She felt successful and it actually lead her to want to try new things more than before and stick with them a little longer to find out if they really were activities she could enjoy. Thank god for cheerleading (never heard anyone say that, right), and it was actually an activity I never thought she would enjoy so much. You just never know what they might connect with.
* Don't eliminate high calorie foods or those delicious treats all kids love, but do limit them. Good to know. I wasn't sure if I should keep all that stuff out of her diet. It made me feel better to know it's OK to let her have treats in moderation even though she was overweight. In fact, some research suggests the more you control/restrict food, the increased risk an eating disorder will develop.
* Educate your child on the food groups and bodies needs for each one. I showed all my children the Food Pyramid and visually it was a nice demonstration of how much (ex) fruit vs "other" our bodies need. All the kids found this interesting, and a nice discussion followed.
* Focus more on health now than actually weight. My son is practicing healthy habits even though he's low on the chart, and my daughter is eating healthy and exercising even though she's high on the growth chart. I'm teaching all my kids about being healthy regardless of their weight. Did you make healthy food choices and exercise today? I try to keep it light and casual, and not make a huge deal of it all.
One of the nutritionist I consulted recommended a book called Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellyn Slater. I haven't read it yet, but when I do, I'll add any pertinent info here.
Do you have any tips/advice on the topic, reading suggestions or personal story to tell. Please share them here on the blog.
